Let me tell you about my good friend Dennis, who I don’t know that well, but who is a genius at a unique aspect of purpose.

I regularly go to the local community center gym. About 15 years ago, I met Dennis there. We happened to be standing next to each other, and we started talking. After that, whenever we’d see each other, we’d stop and catch up for a bit.

Here’s the catch. I only see Dennis every year or two because we go at different times. So, over all of these years, I doubt that we’ve talked for more than a couple of hours total. Still, I consider him a friend.1

The last time we spoke, he told me a fascinating story. Two years prior, he had retired. He and his wife had rich, meaningful plans that included sailing and foreign travel.

But there was a problem. Dennis had a bad back. You see, he had owned a business that provided furniture for a certain type of business, and so he often had to move around heavy pieces of furniture. Somewhere along the way, he hurt his back such that everyday movements—getting out of a car, picking up a package, turning to see something—could cause excruciating pain.

Dennis started his retirement in a really smart way. He spent his first year focused on one thing: fixing his back. He watched many dozens of YouTube videos, trying what they recommended. He sought treatment from a variety of health care specialists. Basically, he treated rehabilitation as a full-time job.

Eventually, he found a combination of things that worked, and now, for the first time in years, he’s pain-free. This allowed him and his wife to launch their retirement plans, and not long after I talked with him, they were going on an extended cruise.

His story got me thinking about purpose.

In recent years, I’ve had thousands of conversations about purpose. For the most part, they have revolved around discerning what matters most and figuring out how to do it.

Almost never do these conversations address the underlying capacity for acting purposefully. That is, once we know what matters, what must we do before we can enact it? Instead, we want to skip past capacity and jump right into doing.

To live purposefully, we sometimes need to prepare first. It looks like this:

Typical Approach:
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Know what matters -> Do what matters

Capacity Building Approach: Know what matters -> Increase ability -> Do what matters2

For Dennis, upon retirement, he didn’t need to start sailing and traveling; instead, he needed to make them possible.

What increases our capacity for purpose? It varies, of course, by the nature of the purpose, but common factors include time, energy, health, skills, finances, courage, and commitment.

We jump right into purposeful action, ignoring capacity, out of impatience. Also, we overestimate our ability to change our behavior. Our lives are the way they are for a reason. Our status quo has a history rooted in our characteristics, decisions, and settings. This roots us in the way things are, and so meaningful change often requires more effort than we anticipate.

Ignoring capacity building has consequences. We misinterpret why we fail to realize our dreams. We think that there is something wrong with us, that we’re weak and undisciplined, when in reality we didn’t first build the capacity to do what we wanted.

In this way, ignoring the capacity for purpose leads to frustration and burnout. We start with good intentions but can’t put them into practice. This leads to a sense of futility and meaninglessness that makes us want to give up what we’re doing.

Another advantage of building purpose capacity is that we can do it before we’re entirely clear on what we want the future to look like. For example, having more time and energy will support many different purposeful actions, so that’s something we can start working on now.

So, what do we do next?

As with many things, a good place to start is awareness. This means simply knowing that capacity can be increased and having some ideas as to how.

So, let’s develop this awareness together.

I’ve created an anonymous Google Form that lists 10 general ways of increasing our capacity for purpose. Click here to access the form. For each one, rate how valuable you think it might be for you. Then, at the end, suggest additional ways as well.

Once you’ve entered your data, click here to see other people’s results. This will help you better understand where in your life you can increase purpose capacity. Also, it’s just interesting to learn about how people engage the world. (Yes, I’m a sociologist.)

People are often frustrated with under-purposed lives. This happens for various reasons, and one of them is overlooking the need to develop the capacity for purpose.

Dennis figured this out.

What’s your version of a bad back that needs fixing?

Lab

About a year ago, Eileen Crossen, a UConn alumna and former marketing executive, reached out to me about developing purpose training for women in business. Next month, we’re launching our first cohort of Meet the Possible You. If you, or someone you know, might be interested, let me know. Here's a link to it: https://meetthepossibleyou.com.

Me

Under the heading of capacity building, I suppose, I got hearing aids last week. They are my reward for listening to lots of loud, not-yet-classic music in my youth. I put them off for several years because I felt self-conscious about them. But after I read an article linking hearing loss to Alzheimer’s disease, I called the hearing clinic the next day. Based on only a week’s use, I’m surprised by how much easier it is to talk with people. I didn’t realize how much I was straining to catch what others were saying. This has me wondering about the long-term implications the hearing aids might have for my social relationships.

How many newsletters have endnotes? Hey, I’m an academic. Just be glad that I don’t have a reference section and recommended reading. Here are some thoughts that came up in writing this essay that didn’t fit into the essay itself but are worth thinking about.

1. What is it about time and distance that changes how we feel about people? An acquaintance from college means far more to me than an acquaintance now. Seeing someone I barely know walking around town here is a non-experience, but happening to see the same person in a distant place would be a rich experience.

2. There is another aspect to capacity building. We can do things that increase our ability to discern purpose in the first place. This type of capacity building revolves around increased awareness of what’s going on inside us and around us.
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Thank you for this time together. If you want to interact with me about these or other things, feel free to contact me at bradley@bradleywright.com.